Operation: Get Big Brother a Date
by TheAwesomeStecca
Summary: Lili and Tino have something in common. Their brothers seriously need to get a date, and they've decided to play matchmaker. Will they be able to find the perfect man, or will they just end up making trouble? (Warning, crack pairing inside)


**AN: So I wrote this awhile back, as part of a crack pairing challenge I did for fun where I put a bunch of Hetalia character names into a random name picker, and whatever two names came up I would write a fanfic about. I only did a few, and this is the only one I actually liked, so this is ****_probably_**** the only one I will post (unless I get a random burst of inspiration). So please enjoy!**

* * *

**Tino's POV**

"Ber, Ber where are you Ber? I'm home from school. Where are you?" Where was he? I have so much I want to tell him, but I can't do that with him not here.

"Right here Tino, how was your day?"

"It was great!" I begin, "We _finally_ got our new language arts teacher, so we won't have to have a sub anymore which is great because the sub we had been having for the past few weeks was… different_._ And the new teacher is super awesome! He had really spikey hair, and he's really loud." Actually… now that I think of it, he's kind of annoying, but at least he's better than that sub. " I don't remember his last name though; he said to just call him Mr. Mathias. That's a cool name isn't it?"

"Is it Mathias _Kholer_?" Berwald asked. He had a funny expression on his face, he looked almost… mad?

The thing about Berwald was, he always looks mad. At least to other people. Thankfully I know him really well, I mean he is my big brother after all, and I know that he's just scary looking. He's really more of a teddy bear on the inside, which is why it's so weird to see him _actually _upset.

"Uhhh… something like that I think. How come, you know him?"

"Yeah we were… roommates in college. We don't really get along anymore."

Huh, that's weird, Berwald didn't say it, but it sounded like the two had gotten into a fight of some sort. Maybe I'll ask Mr. Mathias about it at school tomorrow, although it would probably be nicer to wait until he got more used to the school before making him feel uncomfortable. Oh well.

"Oh that's weird. So anyways, after Mr. Mathias introduced himself, he let us get into groups to start a project. It's a really big project, but it's pretty fun so that's okay. Anyways, I got to be in a group with Eduard which is great. That scary girl Natalia is in our group too, that's… less great, but I'm sure she'll be nice once I get to know her better. And there's this really nice girl, Lili. I haven't hung out with her much this year, she's kind of quiet, but I was talking to her for a while and she seems awesome. It's good we all get along too, since we'll be working on this project for _weeks_." I'm pretty excited about this. The last project I had I didn't really like my group. I mean, I'm sure that they were nice people… but they didn't seem to like _me_ very much.

Oh well. On to happier thoughts, like embarrassing Berwald. Now I love my brother, he's really nice and started taking care of me when out parents… didn't. But he just gets so freaked out so easily, and it's really funny to watch.

"So how's your love life going Berry?" I said in my most innocent voice. I may be in sixth grade, but I have the voice and face of a third grader, and I use that to my full advantage most of the time.

"Um, it's uh… why don't you go and play with Hana?" Ber practically begs after a minute of impossible to understand mumbled words. I happily ignore his request.

"Do you have a _boyfriend_ yet? You _should_ you know." His face flushes even redder at this. I really don't care that Ber likes other guys, but he always gets all embarrassed talking about it in front of me. "If not, I bet _I_ could find you one. Like maybe… Mr. Mathias. He's your age right; you said you were in college with him. And… he's not ugly" I guess "You should definitely hook up with him." I use the phrase I had learned on the bus a couple weeks ago, from an eighth-grader talking about his girlfriend. I wasn't sure if it worked when talking about a boyfriend, but judging by the look on Ber's face, I had said the right (or wrong depending on how you look at it) thing.

"Tino, go play with Hana." I realized I had taken it as far as I could without getting in trouble, so I decided to leave before I _accidentally_ said anything else. As I was walking out, I saw Ber's face, and almost died laughing.

He had such a funny mix of relief and embarrassment on his face, and it was killing me. As soon as I got to my room (after playing with our dog Hana for a few moments like Ber had asked), I fell down on my bed and practically laughed my head off. Ber is so funny.

After a few minutes of laughter, I pulled myself together enough to realize something. Even though it was funny to joke about it, Ber has seemed lonely lately. The more I think about it, the surer I am, Berwald needs a boyfriend, and I know just the little brother who can find him one.

* * *

**Lili's POV**

"Thank you for the ride bruder" I say, stepping out of Vash's car. I'm extra careful to not get any mud on the bottom of the skirt I'm wearing; it's one of my favorites.

I look over and see bruder nod, and I think I may see him smile. He's the best big brother I could ask for, even if we are not actually related. I know I should probably call him dad or something, after all he did adopt me, but for some reason, brother, or bruder which is the German version of the word, just seems more fitting.

After getting completely out of the car, I follow Vash into our house. Once we get to the door, he opens it and holds it for me, before following me inside. I nod politely at him once again, and then head into my room to work on homework and read until dinner.

After a few hours, Vash comes to my room and tells me dinner is ready. I follow him back towards our dining room, and seat myself in my normal chair. Vash quickly goes into the kitchen to grab the food, and then sets it onto the table between our chairs.

The food is nothing special, and is most likely made from all the cheapest ingredients Vash could find, but I still always like whatever he cooks. While we eat, there is mostly silence, which is pretty common at our dinner table. Neither Vash nor I are big talkers, so we're both fine with it.

After a while, Vash finishes his food and sets his silverware down.

"So Lili, how was your day?"

"It was… interesting." I begin. "We got our new Language Arts teacher today." I choose to leave out the fact that the last sub had been a little scary to keep bruder from going into an overprotective rage. "He seems nice, although he is a little loud." Again I keep myself from saying anything negative for the same reason. "We started group projects in his class, and the people in my group seem nice, especially this one boy, Tino. I haven't really talked to him at all until today, but he seems really nice."

Vash nods and I'm pretty sure I see a bit of a smile come out when I talk about Tino. He knows that I'm really quite, and I've had trouble making friends because of that, so he's probably really glad that I'm finally talking to other people.

"So what's your new teacher's name?" Vash asks. He sounds somewhat gruff, but he always sounds like that, so I'm used to it.

"I think he said it was Mathias Kholer." I say. For some reason Vash's expression changes a bit when I say his name, but I don't really know why

Regardless of the reason, I can tell that bruder's mood had changed from his neutral-but-annoyed-looking one to his annoyed-but-neutral-looking one. I can always tell when he is in a bad mood because, when he's around me, the more annoyed he is, the less emotion he shows on his face. He doesn't look completely blank, which is a good thing, but I decide that it would probably still be a good idea to change the subject.

"So how was your day bruder?" I ask politely.

"It was fine. Bit long. There were some annoying customers as always." Vash worked at a bank, and there always seemed to be people there who would do the randomnest things. Bruder says they annoy him, but I'm pretty sure he finds them funny.

"For example, today this man, Feliciano Vargas, comes into the bank in nothing but his underwear. He starts running around screaming something in Italian until one of our security guards, the German one, had to 'escort' him out. As soon as the two of them get out of the front door, they start kissing as if they weren't in the middle of a crowded street. Well Feliciano started kissing, the German, Ludwig I think, just stood there. After a few seconds I just stopped watching."

I could tell that Vash found the story entertaining; he would have never spoken as much if he was as irritated as he was acting. I found myself quietly giggling. The funniest thing wasn't the actual story, but the fact that the same thing had happened multiple times, enough so that Vash knew the hyperactive Italian's name. Admittedly this was the first time the two men had done more than hug, in front of Vash that is, but the story still seemed extremely familiar from past weeks.

"I just wished that I could bring my rifle with me to work. Maybe that would convince the Italian to stop disrupting the peace." That doesn't really make sense, but I just go along with it. I will never understand the bond between Bruder and his guns. When he first adopted me, this obsession worried me a bit, but by this point I had realized that he would never actually hurt anyone with a gun.

"I'm sorry that work was tough bruder." I begin, "So umm, did you make any new friends today?" I ask him nervously. That was probably a really awkward way to word the question, but I really want to know. I'm pretty sure Vash has the same problem that I do with being too un-talkative to make many friends, and when you add to that the fact that he threatens everyone he meets, you end up with a recipe for a very lonely big bruder.

"Not really. I go to the bank to work, not make friends." He sounds embarrassed and kind of defensive when he answers. I can tell he is just saying the thing about work as an excuse.

After a few seconds of now awkward silence, Vash picks up his plate and heads to the kitchen, leaving me at the table.

That's when I decide, if Vash won't make friends for himself, I'll have to step in and help him. Actually, even better than finding him a friend, I decide, I'll get him a boyfriend. He hasn't had one since that Austrian priss (no offense to said priss) broke up with him, and it would probably be great to get him back out there again.

Alright, so there it is. I'm going to find the perfect match for bruder, so he won't have to be lonely anymore.

* * *

**Tino's POV**

"Alright, let operation HUBAMMBAU begin!" I whisper to Eduard as we walk into Mr. Mathias's class after our locker break.

Eduard rolls his eyes but nods at me showing that although he thinks my plan is dumb, he's going to go along with it. I'm so glad I had been able to convince him to help me with this.

_We were hanging out in Eduard's room, _apparently_ working on part of our group project._

_"Why would you want to set Berwald up with Mr. Mathias? That's just… weird." Eduard says, somehow miraculously paying attention to what I was saying while simultaneously playing some video game on his Xbox._

_"I don't know. He's just the only guy Berwald's age that I can think of. And they already know each other; they were roommates in college, so that helps." I had decided to ignore Ber's negative response to the name when I had brought it up a couple days ago; they may have fought, but they just needed to make up. "Common… please. You don't even have to really do anything, you just have to go along with it."_

_"Fine," he states and I practically jump for joy (okay so maybe I actually did, but it was a small jump), "I'll let you be rude to me so that Mr. Mathias is forced to call a guardian teacher conference where he and Berwald will _magically_ fall in love then run off to a flying castle with jazz dancing rainbow monkeys." I barely kept myself from going to hysterics as he said that, not just at the ridiculousness of the sentence, but at the fact that he said it while attempting to kill a frost troll. _

_"But only on one condition, we have a safe word, if I say it you know you took something too far. Then either stop talking to me, or at least change the topic. The safe word will be…" He stops and thinks for a while. It has to be something he would never say unless he meant to. "Ummm…. _Rainbow Monkeys!"_ This time I do burst out laughing._

_"Alright sounds great. The only thing we have left to do is come up with a mission name. I think we should call it Operation Hook Up Berwald And Mr. Mathias By Acting Up, HUBAMMBAU for short."_

_For some reason, after I say the name that I had painstakingly created out loud, Eduard bursts out laughing. I just don't get it, getting brutally slaughtered by a frost troll really isn't that funny._

I still don't get why he was laughing so hard, he refused to explain afterward… oh well.

Eduard and I go to sit down in our seats at the table for our group. I barely even look over at the two girls in our group, I'm too focused on what I'm about to do, but it seemed like the two are all buddied up today.

After a minute, Mr. Mathias starts the class, by asking us to open up our textbooks. Apparently he's not going to let us work on our project today, but at least he's letting us stay in our group seats.

He asks someone to read passage from some poem (Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein), and I nudge Eduard until he raises his hand to volunteer.

"There is a place" I cut Eduard off before he can even get the first line out of his mouth.

"Why are you being so quiet, stupid? Don't know how to talk?" I say. I kind of hate the way I sound, but Eduard knows I'm not being serious, and that's the most important thing. I can explain to everyone else after I get Mr. Mathias together with my brother. The only other person who's reaction I'm worried about is Santa (and yes, of course he's real), but he's smart enough to figure things out.

"What the … Why're you being so rude all of a sudden?" Eduard is sure to stay mostly calm so he won't get in trouble too.

"I don't know, maybe because you're an annoying idiot who I just act like I get along with!" Dangit, I hate the fact that I'm so good at this, although Eduard's doing a good job too.

"What are you even talking about?"

"I mean, you barely ever talk, and when you do it's just about your stupid video games and TV shows! Dragonborn this, Alicorn that! I just think that…"

"_Rainbow monkeys."_ Oh, okay so no making fun of Skyrim or MLP, got it.

"Oh sorry! …Well anyways, and you just…" I'm saved from coming up with another insult by Mr. Mathias coming up and interrupting us.

"_Tino,_ what are you doing picking fights in my class?" He asks angrily. He was very clear that he would give us a lot of freedom in his class as long as we respected him and others.

I shrug, wanting to make him angrier but also not wanting to take it too far. Apparently Mr. Mathias calls conferences first, before giving any other punishment, so he knows if there is any _deep reason_ for someone's misbehavior, but I know that if I act too badly he will add a detention too.

"You're usually such a good kid Tino, but I don't make exceptions to my rules, I'm going to call your guardian and schedule a conference to make sure they know about your behavior." Mathias pulls out his phone after looking a number up on a clipboard, and makes the call in front of the entire class. I'm pretty sure he does that on purpose, to embarrass people who get into trouble. After a minute or so, he hangs up the phone, and then turns to me.

"Your brother says he's free immediately after school, so you will just wait in your homeroom until the conference is over. Now Eduard," he says, apparently deciding to go back to his lesson, "will you please continue reading."

Part one of operation HUBAMMBAU complete! Now all that's left is for the two to meet and fall in love… somehow... it'll work out. After that, I just have to survive Berwald's rage… that's definitely something I'm not looking forward too. Oh well, I'm sure he'll be happy once I reveal my part in matching him up with his true love. I can't wait until the conference!

* * *

**Lili's POV**

Well that was odd. Tino had just completely gone off on Eduard, his best friend, for no apparent reason, in front of the entire class. Not only that, after a couple minutes, the two were just as friendly as ever. I can tell that I'm not the only one confused, but I decide to ignore my curiosity for now.

I had something much more desperate to focus on now.

"Time to begin Operation MBBLLTMM" Natalia whispers to me from where she is sitting. We had been at her house working on part of our group project, and I had brought up the problem. She seemed really excited about it, and admittedly it did sound like a good idea.

"Alright" I say somewhat grudgingly. I'm not sure if I can go through with what she asked me to do, but she was right when she says it will get attention.

I reach out to my pencil case, and grab my scissors out from it. Well… I had been needing a haircut recently.

_Snip._

The sound the scissors makes isn't very loud, but somehow it catches everyone's attention. I realize with a start I cut way shorter than I had intended, the chunk of hair I had cut was now as short as bruder's… oh well.

_Snip_ "Lili, what are you…" Mr. Mathias begins. _Snip_. "What the heck are you doing?"

_Snip. _After the forth cut, Mr. Mathias grabs the scissors out of my hands; even though it was pointless at that point (somehow I had cut all my hair in just four cuts).

"What are you _doing_ Lili?" Mr. Mathias asks me, with a voice somewhere between shocked and confused. I shrug, not really sure myself. Natalia said it was a good idea, but now I'm thinking Natalia may just like sharp objects a bit too much.

"I'm going to have to call your guardian." Mathias then pulls out his phone and his clipboard and calls to set up a conference, for the second time in one day. Apparently the best time for Vash to come is today after Tino's conference, so I'll have to wait at the school for a while.

I didn't think this would actually work. Natalia gives me a high (low?) five under the desk and smiles.

Step one of Operation Make Big Bruder Less Lonely Through Mr. Mathias is now complete.

* * *

_Time Skip to After School_

I close up the book I had been reading, and then stick it into my backpack. I should have realized how close I was to finishing it, and brought a second one with me to school. Oh well, nothing I can do now, I guess I'll just have to sit around until the end of the conferences. I'm pretty sure the one with Tino's brother is about to end, and so Vash's would be up soon. He's currently waiting in one of the other rooms.

I look over at Tino, who is also in the same room as I am. He looks surprisingly happy, for someone who is probably in a lot of trouble. I wonder if that's how I look.

Tino also looks up, then walks across the room and plops down beside me, apparently wanting to talk now that I'm no longer preoccupied with my book.

"So what was with that stunt earlier? That was really weird." He asks.

"And yours wasn't?" He looks down and seems a little embarrassed. I decide that I might as well tell him my reason, it couldn't hurt.

"Sorry. Actually I did that so Mr. Mathias would call a guardian teacher conference. My big bruder Vash, is really lonely, and I thought the two would make a nice couple, but they have to meet first. I thought that if I gave them a reason to meet, then the rest would sort itself out. Natalia was the one to suggest cutting my hair."

"Wait" he interrupts me, "You're trying to pair _your_ brother up with Mr. Mathias. You can't do that, Mr. Mathias is going to end up with _my_ big brother Berwald, so butt out!"

I don't exactly understand what's happening, but I get that Tino is trying to come between my bruder and his happiness, and that is _not_ alright.

"What did you just say to me?"

* * *

**_Mr._**** Mathias's POV**

Today has been weird, as in _extremely_ weird.

First one of my best and kindest students, Tino Oxenstierna, goes crazy and starts yelling at his best friend. Said friend then mutters something about… rainbow monkeys, after which Tino replies with an apology before continuing his insults. Not only that, he seemed grateful for the fact I called a guardian teacher conference.

Then Lili Zwingli, another of my best students, cuts her hair off in the middle of my lesson, and then smiles afterward as if nothing had happen.

Now I'm in a meeting with Berwald Oxenstierna, Tino's guardian/ my ex-boyfriend. The last time we had spoken, he was breaking up with me for cheating on him (in my defense, I was drunk), so the conversation wasn't exactly a comfortable one.

After this, I have a conference with Vash Zwingli, Lili's adoptive father, or _big bruder_ as she commonly calls him. Unfortunately, I already know this one too, although _know_ wouldn't exactly be the word I would use. Apparently I met him while drunk. To be honest, I have no clue what I did to make him so mad, all I know is that I woke up one morning with an extreme hangover to the sound of a phone ringing. When I picked it up, Vash said who he was, and then proceeded to yell at me for over a half hour in a mix of English and another language. He finally hung up, after a long speech of exactly what he would do to me with his gun if he ever saw me again… needless to say I was extremely frightened for the next meeting.

Maybe I need to stop getting drunk so often… hmm…

"That's all Mr. Oxenstierna, thank you for coming, make sure to discuss Tino's actions with him." I conclude, even though I wish that I could draw the meeting out even longer, this awkward silence is a bit better than being beaten to death with the butt of a rifle.

"All right, I'll speak to him." Berwald says, getting up from his chair, and going towards the door. I'm about to call Mr. Zwingli in from the room he is waiting in, when I hear shouting from the room where Tino and Lili are waiting.

What the…? I rush over to the room, and I can tell Berwald does too. I hear another door open, and notice Mr. Zwingli also coming. I open the door, and am so confused as to what's going on that I stop at the doorway to watch. I'm pretty sure the two behind me are similarly confused.

"Mr. Mathias belongs to _Vash_"

"No. _Berwald_. You're going to ruin my plan."

Lili and Tino are standing across from each other, shouting. I don't really understand their argument, but it seems that it is somehow about how… _I_ belong to both of their brothers… ummm.

Like I said, today has been extremely weird.

* * *

**Tino's POV**

"And that's what had happened." I finish. After much glaring from Ber, I had caved and explained to him, Lili's brother, and Mr. Mathias everything that had happened. Lili had told her story before mine, and the two seemed really similar.

I'm kind of nervous now that I had finished talking. My plan had seemed great when I explained it to Eduard, but now that I've said it in front of all these adults, it seems pretty stupid. If looks are anything to go by, I'm pretty sure Lili is feeling the same way right about now.

Berwald and Lili's brother, Vash, both look at Mr. Mathias and smirk. Knowing Berwald, I can tell that he is laughing his head off inside, but I'm not really sure why.

Before I can ask Berwald what is so funny, Vash lets out a small laugh.

"Lili, you really think that I would go out with this man. There's not one single thing that I can stand about him."

"What he said Tino," Berwald adds on, "it would never work between the two of us."

I look over at Mr. Mathias, who seems somewhat upset. He mutters something about them not being cool enough to understand "the King" before trudging to the door. "You can all go, I think I get why the two of them were acting up, and I'm pretty sure that's you guys' problem, not mine.

Mathias then half trudges half stomps all the way up the hall to the teacher's lounge. I _would_ feel bad, but I can tell that he's just being overdramatic, so I don't worry too much.

I expect to follow Berwald out the door, but he remains talking to Vash. I decide that if neither Lili nor I are leaving any time soon, we may as well talk to each other.

"Sorry about yelling at you earlier." I begin, "I guess both of our plans were kind of stupid after all. Still friends?"

"Of course." She replies.

"So I guess that that's the _I would never date Mr. Mathias if he were the last man on the planet _club." From what I can tell, all the two are discussing are the different reasons why they hate out Language Arts teacher.

"No kidding" she responds after watching the two for a short while. "They seem to get along pretty well." She says then pauses. After a second, a weird glint comes over her eyes, and it's kind of creepy. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" She asks.

Honestly I'm not thinking about anything in particular, but once she asks I sure am. Then it hits me… maybe this operation wasn't a complete waste of time after all.

* * *

**Lili's POV**

Operation GBAVT, Get Berwald And Vash Together, is going smoothly.

In the past couple weeks, Tino and I had been hanging out all the time to force our big brothers to interact. From what I can tell, it's going well.

Vash had run a full background check on Berwald for a sleepover party Tino was having, and he seemed satisfied, at least to the point that he let me go. That had to count for something, since Vash had never completely "passed" someone on one of his background checks, even those with flawless history (they always had a _bad vibe_).

Tino had said that Berwald had mentioned Vash over dinner a couple times, which was seemed to be a pretty big deal.

Also, the two apparently saw each other at work, Berwald was working on building the new part of the bank that Vash works at, and Vash told me that they sometimes talk.

Tino and I are currently watching a movie together, and Vash and Berwald are one theater over watching a different one. They had said that we could watch a movie on our own as long as they were in the same building as us. This is such a huge step, this is the first time we've gotten them together for an extended amount of time without Tino or I there. I'm really excited.

After the movie finishes, Tino and I go to find our brothers. Their movie ended before ours, so they should be waiting in the lobby. I see them talking, and Tino and I approach. Right before we get to them, I see Berwald tilt bruder's face up and kiss him on the lips.

Oh. My. Gosh. Finally! Tino and I look at each other with huge grins on our faces and high five. We then run off to another part of the lobby to give the two new love birds a little bit of privacy.

Yes! Operation successful!

* * *

**3****rd**** Person POV**

As the two children run off to a "hidden" part of the lobby, Vash smirks at Berwald.

"About time Ber"

"Sorry Vash, I thought the kids wouldn't be happy about it."

Vash looks toward the two middle schoolers practically skipping around the lobby. "They're definitely happy about it."

"Yeah, they're just happy that they paired the two of us up"

"Yeah… we probably shouldn't tell them that we had been secretly dating for the past three months should we? It would probably ruin their fun."

"Agreed" Berwald said with a small chuckle before leaning over for another kiss.

* * *

**Berwald=Sweden**

**Eduard=Estonia**

**Lili=Liechtenstein**

**Mr. Mathias=Denmark**

**Tino=Finland**

**Vash=Switzerland **


End file.
